DWTS Week 3

Britney night. Why? I know she’s made a lot of music and is in the news now, but do we really want to celebrate a person who publicly self-destructed so completely they had to assign her a keeper? Too bad they didn’t do that for Justin Bieber while they were at it.

And what’s with all the tangos? Seven of them. Most of Britney’s music is club music so I was expecting hustles and swings. I was disappointed they didn’t play “Break the Ice”. It’s a great west coast swing. And the video is all about Girl Power.   

Anyway, I guess it was supposed to be a celebration of Girl Power and man, was it ever. The ladies threw down the gauntlet. The guys just stood around scratching their crotches, mumbling, “Did somebody drop something?” The highest scoring dude was The Miz at 22, two points higher than any other male. The lowest scoring ladies were 21. I agree with the numbers. Other than The Miz, the men were universally bad. A real mess. We had only one real stinker and two that smelled bad. Otherwise a good night of dancing. The stinker has to be laid at the feet of Iman and Daniella. His dance was simply awful. Who is voting for this guy? He stomped around waving his arms and called it a tango. He frequently looked like he wasn’t sure what came next, then yanked Daniella around. It’s time he was invited to leave.

Much as I love Sharna, I’d have to hold my nose to vote for Brian Austin Green’s tango. It was better than last week, though. He actually got in character and used his acting muscles. But the head whips were sloppy and he had this Terminator 2 “I’ll be back” look going on. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZdVWKM1ILs

The other mess was Cody and Cheryl, but it wasn’t of their own making. I’m glad they didn’t get the boot because I don’t think he’s had a fair chance yet. And keeping a gay man from the dance floor on Britney Night is just plain cruel. I don’t understand why they can’t dance together from a remote location. They got the virus from each other, so their systems have adjusted to that version. I don’t think they can re-infect each other – or can they? I don’t know beans about jazz except jazz hands. It was a cool concept and well executed, but just not what it needed to be. And in the opening sequence, he WAS Britney – kinda creepy.

Matt and Lindsay were another unmentionable mess. Something about his legs bothered me. Looked like he was scrambling to keep up. And his vacant stare made it the Dance of the Zombie. Halloween is still a few weeks away, folks.

Jimmie Allen is one of my favorites and I so want him to do good. His salsa was a mixed bag. On the funky parts, he was working it. But on the salsa parts it looked like a beginner class. Nice lifts and tricks. Granted, the song sucked and the day-glo fuchsia burned my eyes, but we were promised a salsa. And I can’t believe Len thought the steps were too big. Where has he been the last two weeks with all the giant steps everyone has been doing in the salsa?

That kinda wraps up the bad for the night. Everything else was most enjoyable. The real standout among the men was The Miz. I loved his salsa and I love The Miz. He gave tango face and did some cool samba moves, but the salsa part actually looked like salsa. He even had those hips working. The aerials were spectacular.  A rotten tomato for Len. They can toss all the other men over the coming weeks but keep The Miz for a while. He’s fun to watch.

Of the three tied for last place among the women (all had 21), two were in the bottom and the judges had to pick. I agreed with Carrie Ann and Bruno to keep Kenya. Oddly, Len wanted Christine. There was nothing wrong with her execution, in fact it was pretty good. But she needed paso face. It’s hard to channel the fire and aggression when you’re grinning like a monkey. And her kid is no longer a baby, so why do they continue to call him Baby? Will someone tell her not to put him in a corner? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28A9Jgo92GQ

On the other hand, Kenya’s tango was one of the best fifty-year-old tango’s I’ve seen recently. Brandon left her behind a bit on the run down the floor, or maybe her foot snagged on her dress, but she caught up. She never extended her legs, though. And she has such nice legs.

It’s surprising to me that Suni remains an also ran. Her shot on DWTS is fast becoming a misfire. Her foxtrot lacked the grace and elegance I expect in the dance and Sasha’s suit was a disaster in search of a place to happen. Her lines were abbreviated, no shaping (it’s like she can’t bend), and no maturity in her dancing. It may just not be her year.

I had mixed feelings about Mel C and Gleb’s tango. Usually I like his smooth choreography and this one started off like gangbusters. But then she got ahead of him, overshooting the lead and then she flubbed or forgot the steps. And for some reason, I hated his blue shoes. They just looked unnatural.

Melora’s cha cha was her best dance so far. But already crying and it’s only week 3? She got the body rolls and hip work and there was wow factor, but it lost steam about halfway through. Then it picked up again for the big finish.

The other three, along with The Miz were my favorites of the night. Amanda started things off with a bang with that killer cha cha. It was perfect for her great legs. It was fun and flirty and had some great body rolls. Unfortunately, other than a New Yorker and splits there wasn’t much cha cha content. I wanted more.

JoJo’s Argentine tango was one for the ages. Damn, it was good and you could see her leading it. I agree with Len that it looked too ballroom and I’ll pass on the plaid.

That made Olivia my number one pick for the evening. It was absolutely flawless. Of course, Val is the king of tango, but she came through. It looks like Val’s looking for a spot in the finals. More performances like this will put them there. It was obviously one of the best performances of the night and Len said to them to “Listen to the crowd roar” or words to that effect. But there was no crowd. All the cheering was canned. Kind of disingenuous, wasn’t it?

I expect Amanda and JoJo to continue to top the leader board every week, but Olivia has shown that she’s also a contender. None of the guys can compete except The Miz, but he’s not in the same league as the three top ladies. Cody is still a bit of an unknown. If he’s got any talent, Cheryl will showcase it. I look forward to them being back in action. Next week is Disney. It may be un-American, but I hate Disney. I’ve never seen a Disney movie other than Snow White when I was five, so I don’t know the songs. And everybody gets all goofy (pardon the pun) like it’s great art. And we have to have TWO nights of it? Well, at least Halloween isn’t far away, and that is always my favorite week of the competition.

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