DWTS Week 2

The night went about as everyone expected: a few standouts, a few duds, and Martin Kove getting the boot. I didn’t think it possible, but his cha cha was even worse than his paso doble. It looked like grandpa at the wedding after getting into the champagne. The word that keeps popping up in my brain is ‘dreadful’. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but I’m glad we and he are out of misery.

Tyra opened the night in a sedate (by her standards) orange rubber minidress, but what the hell happened at halftime? That last outfit looked like a first grader’s drawing of the Thanksgiving turkey got smooshed by a steam roller. WTF? There is no universe where that monstrosity would be considered attractive. She just looked ridiculous lurking around the stage like a refugee from a parade.

Amanda Kloots and JoJo Siwa were the high scorers earning over 60 points for the two weeks.

The high point of the night for me was Amanda’s foxtrot. Fall is here, but that wasn’t the cause of my first chill bumps of the season. That was dancing at its finest, and only on week 2. She has the longest legs (as a former Rockette that makes sense) and uses them mercilessly. That triple developé made me shout. Just gorgeous and Bruno was right when he said it was evocative of Cyd Charisse.

JoJo’s cha cha just wasn’t a wow performance for me. Granted, I like the smooth dances more for the elegance, grace, and showmanship. If a cha cha isn’t a full-on showstopper I may not be impressed. I liked that she knew where to put her feet and how to use her legs. Plenty of sassy hip work going on. It felt kind of weird with two sets of skimpy dresses and fringe all over the place.

Mel C. and Gleb delivered with their foxtrot, also. It was dreamy and floaty and “clean” as Bruno said. I loved the standing spin and who can argue with props from Ringo?

I didn’t expect Suni to be this far back in the pack so early on. She’s yet to find her stride. Her gymnastic stoicism could torpedo her chances faster than Mark Ballas could (if you’ll remember he had a habit of pulling stupid out of his hat). She needs to learn there are more emotions than RBF and crying. But she’s still a child. We’ll hopefully give her time. Her cha cha had some great gymnastic moves like that flip early on. Unfortunately it lacked energy, as if she was just doing a compulsory heat before the big game. I loved Sasha’s sparkly pants. Where can I get me some of those?

Malora and Artem showed up for a nice, but unmemorable rumba. No heat; no passion. A 27 was grade inflation. I can’t believe they got the same score as:

Olivia Jade and Val with such a cool Viennese waltz. Val could make a potato sack look good, but she did her part. There were places where she looked heavy and there were huge gaps in the frame, but overall, nice for week 2. And the airplane into pivots made me cheer. I want to do that.

The judges found more to like in the Miz’s tango than I did. It looked like graceless wrestling. He was too rough and manhandled Witney. As Len said, it lacked finesse. I have to give him credit however for playing to the cameras. He’s photogenic (odd in a wrestler) and uses it. Hated his outfit. What was that – night camouflage?

Kenya had good leg action in her cha cha but seemed timid at first. It was lots of fun once she lightened up. Did pretty good for an old gal. Why, though, did Carrie Ann call Matt and Lindsay for a lift in the first dance but not call Kenya two dances later? Both feet were clearly off the floor in the last spin that Brandon put her through. If you call lift on one, you should call it on another.

Then there was the other half; the cellar dwellers who scored under 50 over both weeks.

Jimmie Allen and Emma got robbed. That was a wow rumba if ever there was one. Rumba as it was meant to be – heat, passion, but not actual sex on the floor. He had extensions, lines, fluidity, hips – the whole package. I loved it and the judges are idiots. Hated the do-rag, though.

When they started the music for Christine Chiu’s dance, I was momentarily excited. I love Despacito. But wait a minute. It’s a samba, not a salsa. I counted the beats and heard the samba rhythm. Maybe that’s why there was so little salsa content. That and the fact that the smoke hid her feet. They need to stop that. The side-by-side action was nice, however.

Poor Cody and Cheryl. She looked much healthier in the live clip, so I hope she’s up and running quickly. I liked their dance. It was the most recognizable of the salsas. With more time to polish it and add in costuming it would have been great.

Brian Austin Green and Sharna should be a highlight for me, but it wasn’t. He’s just a mess. No hip action at all, just a lot of walk and pose, walk and pose. Also kind of frenetic. Rumba should be calming, it’s a love story. Len wasn’t impressed and neither was I.

Matt James and Lindsay in the lone samba of the evening. What a disappointment. No hips, no bounce, no shaping, no flexibility. Raspberry.

Iman is my pick for who needs to be bounced next week. In his rumba with Daniella I liked his lines and the unexpected tenderness. Little rumba content, though. It looked mostly like slow cha cha and swing. I noticed when he was on his knees he was about the same height as Daniella. I liked how he was cheeky with Len.

That’s how I see it. The next three weeks we should see the exit of Iman, B.A. Green and Matt James, in that order. Then we can get down to who’s the dancer and who’s the poser. At this point I’m looking for an Amanda/JoJo showdown at the finals with Suni and Mel C. looking for the spoiler. None of the men have shown me they have what it takes. Cody could step up. I need to see him dance again. Miz is too unpredictable and wild, Jimmie may have some potential, but the rest are just chaff. Of course, none of this means anything when you factor in that the public is voting. Anything is possible. Even Bobby Bones.

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