DWTS Week3

9.28.20

I began last night like I have begun every show so far by saying, “What the hell is she wearing?” It appears they are expending the entire wardrobe budget on Tyra’s fashion don’ts. But I think I have uncovered their evil plan. They realize they have made a mistake hiring Ms. Banks but don’t know how to get rid of her. The idea is that if they keep dressing her like a cross between a muppet and Vegas showgirl she’ll get fed up and quit. We should be so lucky.

And Bruno. Someone should let him know there is a difference between filling out a shirt nicely and wearing one too small. Every time we saw him he looked like he had been stuffed in that shirt like a sausage. It looked as if any moment one of the buttons might fly off and take out someone’s eye. I prefer him with a tie anyway. The neck is getting a little old to be taken out in public.

What was Derek’s sash for? Was he a Disney prince? Princes have crowns. If he wants to be a prince just wear a crown instead of being coy with the sash. And why did it disappear a few minutes into the show? And then come back later? The mystery of the elusive sash.

Carrie Ann as a blonde. No, just no.

There was some good stuff and some break outs. Finally. Mostly within the final 15 minutes.

High point of the night. Nev and Jenna’s Argentine Tango. Now that’s entertainment. I got my first chills of the season on this one. I only get chills down my arms and into my chest on the very best dances and this one got a tingle going. It was sharp, crisp, menacing – everything A Tango is supposed to be. And with the weird eyes, he’s even scarier than Depp’s Jack Sparrow. Kind of bandy legged, though. But no one’s perfect.

Second best Johnny and Britt’s rumba. The fabulosity that is Jonny Weir finally showed up. It wasn’t vertical sex, for obvious reasons, but a proper rumba, with a little contemporary thrown in. The hip work was a little odd at places and I think they got off on he spin. Britt bounced on one leg and almost fell. That mucked with the rhythm and they didn’t match the music and the dance just kind of died at the end. But so nice while it lasted. Johnny’s best and I hope an omen of what’s to come.

Kaitlyn and Artem’s rumba was a surprise. Since they had on their jammies and were barefoot I expected some soft porn. But it turned out to be actual dancing. She did great for having a bad foot and Artem is my favorite male pro. I like whatever he does.

And then there were the ones where the judges were apparently watching another dance than I was seeing. Such as:

Chrishell and Gleb. Yes, what they did was nice. Very nice. But I felt robbed. It was mostly posing and then the spin. There was only one measure (123, 456) of waltz. I replayed it and counted. Gleb can do much better than that. A disappointment.

And Jesse and Sharna. Not nearly enough kicks and hardly any flicks. Just jumping about and flinging his feet around. Not a pointed toe in sight. I love Sharna but not that dance.

There were two Viennese Waltzes to compare and there was no comparison. Jeannie and Brandon won by a mile. Val is a beautiful smooth dancer with great shaping. Monica, not so much. He put in plenty of lift but she was earth bound. No flight, no float. Brandon really showed his chops and made Jeannie fly. Almost got goose bumps. And I loved when she stole Bruno’s paddle. It’s cute when they get excited.

Back to back Quicksteps was not kind to Keo. AJ and Cheryl stole that matchup. He got through it without messing up. Quite an accomplishment in QS. Lots of energy and I’m glad they covered all his ink with makeup. As an old white man, I just think he looks trashy. I know, I’m a dinosaur. And did he say his daughter’s name is Lyrica? Isn’t that a pain medication?

Anne and Keo were totally outclassed by AJ and Cheryl. One of the weakest jetes ever. And that was Keo. She didn’t even try, which may have been why his didn’t take off. The side by side was just a mess, looked like she forgot the choreo. And her objectifying Keo was just plain creepy. Why do they keep putting these strange creatures on Keo? Who did he piss off?

But Vernon and Peta kicked their asses when it came to QS. It had a slow start and I was worried. But somebody must have lit a fire in his butt ‘cause he suddenly took off like a rocket. He was so into it and that’s always fun to see. He’s a very likeable individual and I highly respect his devotion to his family and vow to be there for all his kids’ achievements and special moments. I think people forget how important that is to the kids. They remember.

Skai and Alan had a better jive than Jesse and Sharna but Skai had this weird Stepford Wives/department store mannequin grin on her face the whole time. As an actress I would think she would have a better game face or even RBF than that. I hope she brings it back on Halloween because it was just plain scary. Nice flicks but her timing was off at the beginning.

Charleston is NOT A  BALLROOM DANCE!

How many times to I need to tell them this? Is no one even paying attention? What’s next? Bollywood? Justina and Sasha didn’t even touch each other until the final couple of measures. That’s line dancing, not partner dancing. And she flubbed the steps. Loved Sasha’s cartwheel but the rest was cheesy, corny and bah humbug.

Nelly and Daniella weren’t terrible but it was a good thing Len wasn’t there to complain about all the folderal they did before they actually started dancing. And it started out okay, but it looked like he took a breath at the beginning and forgot to breathe for the rest of the dance. It was obvious he was running out of oxygen by the end. And his neck just disappeared as his shoulders crowded in around his ears. I like Nelly, the person. Nelly, the dancer, not so much.

And then Carole and Pasha stunk up the place with possibly the worse samba ever. I get it, she’s old and doesn’t know dance, but surely Pasha could have done something with her other than come up with the most over the top costumes since Mark Ballas. It was just sad.  

So far, over the first three shows I’m in agreement with the voters on who should be the bottom two and I agree with the judges on who to save and who to boot. I hope that continues. I think I like the new system and hope it will spare us future travesties like Bobby Bones and Juan Pablo di Pace.

I hope Anne gets the boot next week (sorry Keo, but at least you won’t have to put up with her pawing you anymore).

I predicted in the very first posting that Nev was my dark horse pick and he won the night running away. And now Johnny has his game on it might be a fun contest. Skai may make a comeback but for three nights out, she has not impressed. Bachelor Nation will keep Kaitlyn coming back every week for awhile. But I’m hoping for a Nev/Johnny/Justina smackdown. Could be epic.