Dancing With the Stars Premiere

 I don’t plan to make a habit of this, but thought I’d write my thoughts now the dust has settled from the first night of Dancing With The Stars. These thoughts are mine and no one else is to blame.

Golden Years

First off, only two dancers stunk up the place last night. Actually the term “dancers” is too liberal. And it was predictably the old guys. Reginald ValJohnson elicited my first OMG of the night. He was so bad. He mostly stood in one place and let Emma dance around him. Even the judges commented on his “compact salsa”. He reminded me of Grandpa at the wedding reception. Grandpa wondering where he left his cane.

Not to be outdone, Eric Roberts was even worse (at least by judges’ scores). He first off had trouble getting down the stairs. Then he proceeded to do a cha cha at half speed. Lacking anything good to say and not wanting to be rude, the judges concentrated on what an honor it was to have a bona fide star on the show. That kinda shit on all the other contestants, inferring that they aren’t stars (and they’re right). But it was a disaster for Eric.

No one was bumped last night but next week will feature a double elimination. I got a feeling I know who’s at the top of the list. These two gentlemen are ready for the nice parting gifts.

Tori Spelling didn’t exactly embarrass herself with the foxtrot but it was waaay clunky. And when she starts talking all I can hear is Valley Girl.

The Single Life

Bachelor Joey Graziadei kicked off the night with a credible cha cha. He was pigeon toed and flat footed but got that butt moving. Better than I expected. The Bachelorette Jenn Tan’s cha cha was basically inoffensive.

Sports Report

I really liked footballer Danny Amendola. But not his dancing. He was quiet, respectful, and tried hard. He even calls his mother “mama” like a good southern boy. You gotta love he picked for this theme song “A Bar Song” with the line “everybody at the bar getting tipsy.” Not exactly what I think of as a tango, but they made it work. I liked that he actually looked like he was leading, but the way he hunched it looked more like an attack. He should be good at paso doble, though. And Carry Ann was right that he needs to show more personality. People vote for personality as much as dance ability. And I want that blue jacket. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=a+bar+song+shaboozey

Basketballer Dwight Howard elicited my first WTF of the night. The judges actually thought what he did was good? In what universe? He stomped around with his feet about five feet apart, jiving around like he was at a club. When he tried to stick in a salsa move to get the routine past the judges it was awkward and ungainly. A total mess. The height difference is ridiculous. I feel sorry for Daniella. I guess the judges were just dazzled by all the aerials. But that won’t be allowed on the strictly ballroom dances. He’s got great personality (too pious for my liking, but you do you), so I imagine the producers will keep him around for awhile. I’m ready for him to go.

I kinda love Ilona Maher (but I hate Alan’s buzz cut). She is just so authentic. She just reminds me of the line in the song This Is Me “I’m not afraid to be seen, I make no apology, this is me.” I applaud her as a role model for independent young women, and it’s sweet that she’s looking for her inner feminine side. She hasn’t found it yet, but I imagine she will. She’s brawnier than Alan and it seems he’s afraid she might break his arm if he pushes her too much.  Her cha cha was a mess. Too much like stop action photography. Move, pose, move, pose. Now Alan just needs to get her to clean it up and put it together. She also needs to let us see more of that strong woman inside. I hope she’s around for awhile.

Stephen Nedoroscik’s dance ability wasn’t exactly a surprise. I mean, he’s a gymnast. And when they said he was going to do jive I was all in. I got that silly grin on my face from the first move and kept it all the way through. The most fun of the night and my favorite dance. The guy knows the meaning of throwing down. He should be in the finals. His score was robbery. Scandalous.

Surprises

Brooks Nader is a model who can actually dance. And damn, she’s all leg. I enjoyed their tango, but couldn’t tear my eyes off her legs. I was waiting for her to get them tangled up, but she worked it out (one knock kneed move). She’ll be around for awhile. And I hate Gleb’s buzz cut. What happened, did he and Alan lose a studio bet?

It’s a Small World

But not for Chandler Kinny. She swept to the top of the leader board last night in true Disney magic style. Great body control, great (long) legs and great smile. Technically the best dance of the night. And since she has the built in Disney vote, she’ll probably win this season. Can’t say I have a problem with that. The girl can work it.

And In Other News

I’ve often said Val could win DWTS dancing with a burlap bag. Well, he might have his chance to prove it with mortician/housewife Phaedra Parks. She’s no burlap bag, but not much going on in the dancing department. She seems to be trying to channel Neicy Nash (my favorite comedienne) but there’s static in the line. It doesn’t work for her. Instead of Neicy’s self-deprecation, Phaedra comes off as having a chip on her shoulder. And as Tamar Braxton found out to her dismay, that won’t come off well with the audience. Maybe it works on Real Housewives but I found it off-putting.

Crime and Punishment

I still say Anna Delvey should not be on the show. She claims she’s there for redemption, although one of her answers to “Why DWTS?” was “Why not?” Redemption comes with remorse for your sins and expressing it. Nowhere, either in the media or on the show has she shown the slightest bit of being sorry for what she did. She claims, “I served my time.” Technically, they let her out, but she was sentenced to 12 years and only served 3. And her worst comment was “I’ve re-invented myself many times.” Um, that’s kinda why she was in prison. As for her dancing, it looked like she was on quaaludes. No energy, no pizzazz and perhaps the worst flick ever. But I like her partner. Ezra finally got promoted from the JV team and seems so excited. He also nodded toward having to rehabilitate his partner’s reputation. He’s got his work cut out.

And Finally

What the hell was Julianne wearing. Looks like she sat down on a black box and got stuck.

Sojourn in Paradise

Anyone who knows me knows that I love ocean cruises. More specifically, dance ocean cruises. It’s a hobby of mine. I’ve been on twenty, mostly to the Caribbean, once to Bermuda. At this point, one palm tree looks like the next, but I don’t go for the island. I go for the experience. I’m not the typical tourist frantic to have fun at all costs. I appreciate the serenity of the quiet on my private balcony; the timeless calm of the Admiral’s club in the morning; never having to cook or clean up, but having food available 24/7. Dinner conversation with newfound friends is always fascinating, like how many of the women at our table carried pistols daily (nearly all of them!). Or that the ship’s version of key lime pie turned out to be a neon green mousse. Always an adventure.

The add on of dancing is the extra draw. I have loved ballroom dancing for over forty years. The opportunity to do it every night is hard to resist.

So, the upshot is I endeavor to plan at least one cruise per year. I missed a couple of years during the pandemic shutdown, but we’re back in business now. My most recent cruise was planned to depart on the Sunday after Thanksgiving last year.

I jump about among the cruise lines, depending on whatever variable pops up. This past cruise was on Queen Mary 2, I think it was my fourth one with Cunard. It was scheduled for departure on Sunday, November 26, the busiest air traffic day of the year. My travel partner and I were to fly from our local airport (RDU in North Carolina) to LaGuardia in NY and catch a transfer to the ship. We were originally scheduled to fly out at 9:30, land at 11, embark at 2, and sail away at 5. It didn’t work out that way.

We got to our departure gate at the airport the recommended two hours early. As the departure time neared, a “delayed” notice went up. It was just an hour delay for mechanical problems. No big deal. Then the hour delay became two, then three. By then I was becoming alarmed. My proactive travel partner contacted our travel agent, who talked with Cunard and American Airlines. As negotiations went on, the posted arrival time in NY was moved to 6:30 pm, well after the ship was set to leave. Obviously, Cunard couldn’t hold the ship for two people. We were seeking other flights, but American maintained there were no available seats to NY that day. I was dejected, seeing as my vacation was being scrubbed, but consoled myself that since we were not at fault, and I had Cunard insurance, my funds would be returned. But wait!

I’m not sure who suggested it, but a plan came together that American would fly the two of us to Miami that evening, and the next morning fly us to St. Kitts, where the ship was scheduled to dock in four days. We could join the cruise there. I jumped at the chance to salvage my cruise. Four days in St. Kitts. What was the downside?

Some people may say the downside was missing the cruise experience – no games, no activities, no whatever. But the alternative was no cruise. And as I mentioned above, I’m not about the games and activities. I want pleasant surroundings, good food, and an opportunity to dance.

So we agreed to the seven pm flight to Miami. Which was delayed. We finally got out late and into Miami around 11. Since we’d only be there overnight we just grabbed the Miami Airport Hotel – kind of a dump. We got disconnected from our luggage but they found it for us in short order.

Up the next morning for our flight to St. Kitts. Which was, wait for it, delayed. But we eventually departed and by the afternoon were looking down on the inviting emerald island of St. Kitts.

After a lengthy immigration process we were off to our hotel. In my conversation with Cunard Care insurance they said to pick a hotel and keep up with my meal receipts and they’d reimburse me. I foolishly believed them. I asked about parameters for the hotel. The lady on the phone said just to keep it within reason, nothing extravagant. So we looked for something within reason, not extravagant. We came up with the Koi Resort. It was listed as four star, which I guessed to be about three star in the US. It was a nice place, nothing too problematic. The online ad said it had a nightclub attached, but that turned out to be misleading. The hotel restaurant bar was open late and they played the radio. I guess that was the nightclub.

There were only a few other residents so it was quiet and relaxing. The rooms were large and comfortable with one odd feature. Entering the room, to the immediate right was the bathroom. Then came the main bedroom. The wall between the bedroom and the bathroom was a large window. You could sit in the large garden tub in the bathroom and wave to people in the main room. Or brush your teeth while others watched. The toilet was in a little separate room with a door, all made of clear glass. So you could sit on the toilet but not miss whatever might be going on in the bedroom. There was also a shower stall, all glass. I’m not especially bashful, but during my marriage, my wife and I haven’t made it a habit of watching each other’s personal hygiene rituals. At least there was a little window shade you could pull down if you wanted privacy while in the bathroom. (Disclosure: I was traveling with a partner, not my wife. We had separate rooms.)

My third-floor balcony looked out over palm trees to the beautiful Caribbean Sea. And that night, a full moon cast a lovely glow, leaving a stream of silver across the water.

Next day we walked about town, and the following day booked a snorkeling expedition (basically the same one we had planned to take the day the ship was docked in St. Kitts.)

Then our ship came in. We showed up at the dock with our luggage and boarding passes and within minutes where whisked onto the ship and into our rooms. No muss, no fuss.

I thoroughly enjoyed my four days in St. Kitts. No hurry, just exist in the beauty and warmth of the tropics. We heard from others that it was raining and cold in NY when they boarded and the rain and cold continued for several days. In the meantime, we basked in the sun.

My partner was a bit put out that we missed the dancing on the ship. We tried to create our own dance one evening. There was a wooden terrace between the restaurant and the pool. I tried to play music on my ipod to dance, but my speakers wouldn’t cooperate. In the end, I put the ipod in my shirt pocket and we danced. No one else could hear, not the couple making out in the dark corner of the pool, not the restaurant wait staff who all congregated at the windows watching (and applauding).

The rest of the cruise was uneventful but fun. When we got back to reality, I filed with Cunard Care’s insurance arm, Aon. My four days on St. Kitts came to just over $1500 (you can’t find a decent hotel under $200 on a resort island). Ironically, four days was exactly one third of my cruise, which divided out came to just over $1400, so not much different. Aon came back that their limit was $1000. When I appealed, they just re-sent the statement that their limit was $1000.

My appeal mentioned that the ship owed me at least $1400 for the unused portion of my passage. And I question the $1000 limit. Last year I was also on the QM2 when I contracted covid. I was quarantined to my room for the last three days of the cruise. I watched TV, basked on my balcony and had all my meals delivered. When I filed for insurance the company stated I had missed the full use of the ship for three days and awarded me $500 per day. I got a check for $1500. No mention was made then of any $1000 limit.

I considered continuing to fight it, but couldn’t find a way. There is no route I could see to actually contact anyone at the insurance company. They are all hidden behind impenetrable menus. I also complained to my travel agent, but got no response, which was surprising. She’s usually helpful with contacting the big corporations. So I just consider it a lesson learned. I’ll avoid Cunard for a while. My next cruise is on Norwegian Cruise Lines.