Tag: Dance

Dancing With the Stars Premiere

 I don’t plan to make a habit of this, but thought I’d write my thoughts now the dust has settled from the first night of Dancing With The Stars. These thoughts are mine and no one else is to blame.

Golden Years

First off, only two dancers stunk up the place last night. Actually the term “dancers” is too liberal. And it was predictably the old guys. Reginald ValJohnson elicited my first OMG of the night. He was so bad. He mostly stood in one place and let Emma dance around him. Even the judges commented on his “compact salsa”. He reminded me of Grandpa at the wedding reception. Grandpa wondering where he left his cane.

Not to be outdone, Eric Roberts was even worse (at least by judges’ scores). He first off had trouble getting down the stairs. Then he proceeded to do a cha cha at half speed. Lacking anything good to say and not wanting to be rude, the judges concentrated on what an honor it was to have a bona fide star on the show. That kinda shit on all the other contestants, inferring that they aren’t stars (and they’re right). But it was a disaster for Eric.

No one was bumped last night but next week will feature a double elimination. I got a feeling I know who’s at the top of the list. These two gentlemen are ready for the nice parting gifts.

Tori Spelling didn’t exactly embarrass herself with the foxtrot but it was waaay clunky. And when she starts talking all I can hear is Valley Girl.

The Single Life

Bachelor Joey Graziadei kicked off the night with a credible cha cha. He was pigeon toed and flat footed but got that butt moving. Better than I expected. The Bachelorette Jenn Tan’s cha cha was basically inoffensive.

Sports Report

I really liked footballer Danny Amendola. But not his dancing. He was quiet, respectful, and tried hard. He even calls his mother “mama” like a good southern boy. You gotta love he picked for this theme song “A Bar Song” with the line “everybody at the bar getting tipsy.” Not exactly what I think of as a tango, but they made it work. I liked that he actually looked like he was leading, but the way he hunched it looked more like an attack. He should be good at paso doble, though. And Carry Ann was right that he needs to show more personality. People vote for personality as much as dance ability. And I want that blue jacket. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=a+bar+song+shaboozey

Basketballer Dwight Howard elicited my first WTF of the night. The judges actually thought what he did was good? In what universe? He stomped around with his feet about five feet apart, jiving around like he was at a club. When he tried to stick in a salsa move to get the routine past the judges it was awkward and ungainly. A total mess. The height difference is ridiculous. I feel sorry for Daniella. I guess the judges were just dazzled by all the aerials. But that won’t be allowed on the strictly ballroom dances. He’s got great personality (too pious for my liking, but you do you), so I imagine the producers will keep him around for awhile. I’m ready for him to go.

I kinda love Ilona Maher (but I hate Alan’s buzz cut). She is just so authentic. She just reminds me of the line in the song This Is Me “I’m not afraid to be seen, I make no apology, this is me.” I applaud her as a role model for independent young women, and it’s sweet that she’s looking for her inner feminine side. She hasn’t found it yet, but I imagine she will. She’s brawnier than Alan and it seems he’s afraid she might break his arm if he pushes her too much.  Her cha cha was a mess. Too much like stop action photography. Move, pose, move, pose. Now Alan just needs to get her to clean it up and put it together. She also needs to let us see more of that strong woman inside. I hope she’s around for awhile.

Stephen Nedoroscik’s dance ability wasn’t exactly a surprise. I mean, he’s a gymnast. And when they said he was going to do jive I was all in. I got that silly grin on my face from the first move and kept it all the way through. The most fun of the night and my favorite dance. The guy knows the meaning of throwing down. He should be in the finals. His score was robbery. Scandalous.

Surprises

Brooks Nader is a model who can actually dance. And damn, she’s all leg. I enjoyed their tango, but couldn’t tear my eyes off her legs. I was waiting for her to get them tangled up, but she worked it out (one knock kneed move). She’ll be around for awhile. And I hate Gleb’s buzz cut. What happened, did he and Alan lose a studio bet?

It’s a Small World

But not for Chandler Kinny. She swept to the top of the leader board last night in true Disney magic style. Great body control, great (long) legs and great smile. Technically the best dance of the night. And since she has the built in Disney vote, she’ll probably win this season. Can’t say I have a problem with that. The girl can work it.

And In Other News

I’ve often said Val could win DWTS dancing with a burlap bag. Well, he might have his chance to prove it with mortician/housewife Phaedra Parks. She’s no burlap bag, but not much going on in the dancing department. She seems to be trying to channel Neicy Nash (my favorite comedienne) but there’s static in the line. It doesn’t work for her. Instead of Neicy’s self-deprecation, Phaedra comes off as having a chip on her shoulder. And as Tamar Braxton found out to her dismay, that won’t come off well with the audience. Maybe it works on Real Housewives but I found it off-putting.

Crime and Punishment

I still say Anna Delvey should not be on the show. She claims she’s there for redemption, although one of her answers to “Why DWTS?” was “Why not?” Redemption comes with remorse for your sins and expressing it. Nowhere, either in the media or on the show has she shown the slightest bit of being sorry for what she did. She claims, “I served my time.” Technically, they let her out, but she was sentenced to 12 years and only served 3. And her worst comment was “I’ve re-invented myself many times.” Um, that’s kinda why she was in prison. As for her dancing, it looked like she was on quaaludes. No energy, no pizzazz and perhaps the worst flick ever. But I like her partner. Ezra finally got promoted from the JV team and seems so excited. He also nodded toward having to rehabilitate his partner’s reputation. He’s got his work cut out.

And Finally

What the hell was Julianne wearing. Looks like she sat down on a black box and got stuck.

DWTS 3

Oh, good grief. Already with the gimmicks. Movie Night. Then there’ll be Latin night (hello, Latin is half of ballroom dancing). And Disney Night, which is just movie night all over again. I mean what else could they do; put a big dress on someone and say she’s Space Mountain? And the ever popular My Most Miserable Memory Night. At least with the fall season we’ll get Halloween. My guess is October 28. And who doesn’t love a Halloween party where the costume budget is unlimited?

Last night could have subbed for Latin Night. Only one non-Latin number: Quickstep. And what’s with all the rumbas? 40% of the dances were rumba. Okay, so let’s take the rumbas in order best to worst.

Ally and Sasha. Total redemption from last week for Sasha. He was working that rumba. But so was Ally. Only one performance separated it from Hannah, and way to smack her in the face and throw down the gauntlet. So much light and dark and shading. It actually had texture. She so rocked it. But what’s with Len’s “Don’t touch me”? Who made him God?

JVDB and Emma. This is the point in the competition I wait for. When the male celebrities actually start leading. You could see it all over that dance. He was so strong and pulled out real moves instead of all the acrobatics. One great rondé. Maybe he should have done the splits instead of Emma.

Hannah and Alan. Yesterday’s news. Ho hum. It was fairly hot, but not really rumba. All she did was spin and split. Over and over. Alan knows better than that. I did have to laugh at his sexy cop thing. Had to be the unsexiest cop ever.

Kel and Witney. He’s got those second position breaks down. Did them three times. Loved the confused look when he couldn’t find her leg for the assisted developé. Carrie Ann called it tight. That was a good word for it. And how come Witney wasn’t wearing the blue pendant from the movie? I mean it was Movie Night.

It’s hard to call a winner for the night. No one gave me chill bumps. Kate and Pasha did a very nice QS. Much better than we usually get this early. But her costume made her look fat. Reminded me of Hazel, that maid from the 60s. And those white legs. Did she miss her spray tan session? The glare was blinding.

Sailor and Val. Who’s the producer who doesn’t know what a tango is? This is two weeks in a row with the wild tangos. Way too much smiling going on. It didn’t sound tango; it didn’t look tango. Val grounded it and slowed it down, but it was fighting the music.  And the practice session. What is it with guys who wear hoodies with the hood up while dancing? He looked like some mad dancing monk.

Lauren and Gleb. Interesting how she so easily walked into the character of a hooker. But then she was dallying with about 20 men on national TV. Just sayin’. A whole lotta scrambling going on. She seemed surprised by some of Gleb’s moves. It’s been done before and much, much better. Look here to see how it is done. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHPY0oRfYzM

And it went downhill from there.  

I like Karamo and I hope he’s around for a while. He’s a hoot. But, what the hey, dude? The song title was prophetic. Except instead of still standing it should have been “I’m just standing”. That’s all he was doing much of the time. Jenna was jiving for all she was worth, and he just stood there. Even when he did dance it was so slow. Instead of fun it was more like walking my grandma around the mall. Two shuffles was all we got in the way of synchronized kicks so as far as I’m concerned it wasn’t a proper jive.

The night’s two cha chas were bad and badder. Hard to pick. I guess I have to go with Lamar for possibly worst cha cha ever. And I’m even including Master P, Billy Ray Cyrus Buzz Aldrin and Tom DeLay. Those are the big guns of badness to go up against and he held his ground. There were two actual cha cha moves and both vied for worst ever. After his outing as the Jolly Green Giant last week and this misbegotten mess he really needs to go. The show had the perfect opportunity for a double elimination last night. Losing him and Ray in one night would be a blessing. And as for the song, that also has been done before and much better by Jake Pavelka. See it here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onmqBp0hZ_o

Let’s see Lamar shake it like that. I miss Miss Chelsea, as her rodeo celebrity called her. His great line was “I just do what Miss Chelsea tells me.”

And Sean, Sean, Sean (slapping him lightly on the cheek). What can I say? It was good until he started dancing. In actuality it was an order of magnitude better than Lamar, but still several orders of magnitude away from being presentable in public. At least he’s a good sport about it. Give him a few drinks to loosen him up. I hear he’s a real party boy.

The entire night can be summed up in my favorite police line.

“Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.”